Over the past few months I have come to the conclusion that I am in the wrong job and have been for some time. I don't fit in, where I work, I don't exactly have any friends who I meet up with outside of work, and the job just deosn't feel right. From a young age I wanted to be a vet. It was a career path that I dedicated myself to all the way through primary school and the first 3 years of High School, until my form tutor told me that I would not get the required grades at GCSE level. It was my Mum who suggested that I look at the NHS as a career path, I still wanted to work with animals in some capacity. I took to going horse riding more often in the hope that she would come and watch my lessons and realise that I have some talent in the saddle for giving confidence to young horses, getting lazy ones going forwards, holding back strong horses, and calming excitable ones. Mum never really paid much attention to my lessons and on the odd occassion that she came along, I would be on a very difficult horse and she would just stop watching after 5 minutes. I still cling to the hope that one day she will notice how hard I am working at my riding and show some enthusiasm for my dream to compete for the British team in eithe showjumping or dressage. However, mum is not my biggest problem, it is other people. They look at me and think that my legs are too short for dressage or showjumping because I can't wrap them round the horse. It has always been my opinion that long legs aren't neccessary to get a horse underneath you, hands and seat can also play a crucial role in the control of a horse, and no one should rely tottally upon their legs for control. Of course, my biggest problem is my nerves. Even now, just thinking about riding in a competition I am almost shaking. When I get into the arena, my nerves go tottally and as  result, I often get poor results in dressage and eliminated in showjumping. As a last resort I decided to go trail hunting in order to try and restore my lost confidence, but 5 falls have probably not done too much to help me in that department. I do feel better about my riding, it's just that when I'm at a competition, I start thinking that everyone else is better prepered, better at riding, and has a better horse than me. I never used to suffer from nerves, it seems to be these past 5 years that they have developed. Not even my instructor understands it. She says that I am a perfectly capable rider, and am able to produce a well ridden dressage test or clear showjumping round in my lessons, but can't do the same in a competition. Hopefully, one day soon these problems will be beaten, and I will realise my dream. I really hope so.
So that's my new career path decided upon, I will be now looking at seeing it through, to it's end. Wish me luck. :)